Review: I Was Here by Gayle Forman

**Trigger warning: Suicide

I’ll start off by saying that I had with high expectations for this book, as I have read both If I Stay and Where She Went by Gayle Forman, and I absolutely loved them. This book however was not quite what I expected. I’m not saying that it was bad; not at all, I really enjoyed this book, but the topics and the atmosphere are very different.

The story centers around a young girl named Cody who is dealing with her best friend Meg’s suicide. Cody had no idea Meg was suicidal and it completely overtaken by sadness, but also with anger. As she takes a trip to Meg’s college dorm to pick up all the things she left behind, she begins to discover that she didn’t know her best friend as well as she thought she did. She finds an encrypted file on Meg’s computer, throwing her into piecing together the mystery that is Meg’s suicide and what could have driven her to it.

The book deals heavily with suicide and I would honestly not recommend this book to anyone who is dealing with depression and/or suicidal thoughts.

{Spoilers//: It definitely takes a disturbing look into the human psyche and our curiosity of what it would be like if we decided to end our lives. That is one thing that I think Forman did well in this book. As morbid as it is, she mentions how “we all have those days”: those bad days/weeks where we just wonder what it would be like if we just stopped existing. Seeing Cody let out her true emotions and even start to consider suicide herself is unsettling, because on some level, we can relate and feel the same.

Another thing that I loved about this book was seeing the progression of the relationship Cody has with her mother. Right off the bat, we’re shown that Cody’s mother doesn’t seem to really care about her and is nothing like the parental figures Meg has in her life. But as the novel progresses, you can see Cody begin to evolve from resenting her mother, to accepting and understanding her actions, and finally to needing her and actually seeing her as a parent.

The main thing that I’m on the fence about with this book is the whole romantic plot with Ben. I’m a sucker for a good love story. Even as clichéd as this one was: the innocent virgin girl meets the bad boy player who doesn’t “do” relationships, I could have maybe gotten into it. But it just felt weird. A guy that was friends with her deceased best friend, who had sex with her once and then basically, told her to leave him alone. And of course, he falls in love with Cody and changes his ways for her because she’s “not like other girls”.  Its just unsettling to me that Cody is okay with ending up with a guy that her best friend was so crazy about and who just kicked her to the curb after sleeping with her. ://Spoilers}

Overall, though I don’t think its my favourite book by Gayle Forman, I did enjoy it. She successfully conveys a lot of raw emotions as well as satisfying character growth. Even though I found that I could not really relate with the protagonist very much, I was still able to connect with her and her pain, grief and anger is loud an clear.

If you’re looking for a mysterious, dark and emotional read, I would recommend it.

7.5/10

Note:

As this book centers heavily on the topics of depression and suicide, and because this is also a subject that has affected my personally, I would like to urge you: if you are struggling with something like this, PLEASE know that you are not alone. Reach out to someone, anyone, who you trust and can help you find professional help.

If you do not feel comfortable reaching out to someone you know, do not have anyone to reach out to, or need help figuring out what to do next, please call a suicide prevention hotline. They are available 24/7 and are there to help you.

1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433)
1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255)